Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
