i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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