i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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