is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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