You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
