Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
