is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
