I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
