I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
