Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
