We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
