So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
