I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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