im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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