so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
