Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
