just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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