Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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