You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
