i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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