It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
