I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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