im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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