you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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