she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
