you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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