with your own penis?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
