drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
