I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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