laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
