I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
