I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
