: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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