I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
