Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Found your dick twin last night
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Randomize
