Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
