How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
