who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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