Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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