Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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