Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
