remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I love you. Go after that dick
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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