So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My bed smells like the plague
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