Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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