Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
