I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
