did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
