i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
