The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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