He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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