Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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