she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
