so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
