I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
