Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
