I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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