I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
