a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
