Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
