I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
