it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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