Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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