Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
