he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
she peed on how many people?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
