that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
organizing the empties. That sober.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Randomize
