My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
