Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
