Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
