i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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