I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We don't watch enough power rangers
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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