there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
