My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
