If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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