He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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