i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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