I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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