I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
