i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize