So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
