I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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