I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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