im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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