im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize