You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
