Please, let me fuck your mom
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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