the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
