My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
